When first becoming a mother you have a blank book of what’s the rights and wrongs. One person/ google search will advise one thing, then you’ll come across the opinion of the opposit. Well I have for sure taken note that there is no such thing as a perfect mum, we will in our heads feel like we are failing at something- sometimes at everything. Even though your child is clean, fed and happy, the guilt is what gets me! Here’s a list of my top guilt felt moments.
- Bottle, one for many I’m sure. I tried breast but nothing came in for days and sadly from complete mixed emotions and exhaustion I gave up too quickly. One of my old mum friends use to make me feel so bad for not pursuing it- she was big on the breast is best. I Think her saying I’m letting my child down for not trying harder was unfair as I did try and sadly failed.
- The first time I left him, I felt like the worst mum in the world. Over time I look back and I’m glad I braved the big wide world to do something for myself. At the time thou for those few hours I would feel guily and check my phone at least 1000 times.
- A bottle taking it’s sweet ass time to cool down, 2am acting like he was starving to death cries, tops the biggest guilt . Guilt that I was crying because i just wanted sleep and that His crying made me feel so sad for him.
- That I verbally abused his dad way too much the first year, he loved to play dead at nights. He snores, so suddenly when Logan use to wake and the snoring stopped, it was very apparent he was not willing to move, If he did just to roll over I might of just hurled over a few words. Sleep deprived days did not treat my personality well.
- Nursery… this a more recent one, I applied Logan twice the first I had a tour and never took applying him further. He was just a baby, him being more independant in the future would be easier. I told myself… the future came… It wasn’t any easier, I felt like I had just abandoned him and that he would have the worst time (which in insight I did do). He fell inlove with going there straight away, after the first month i felt a little less guilty. Logan begs to go now, even at the weekends.
- food, my child is obsessed with the word food, sadly grandparents do not help on the ‘no more than one treat today’ consept. So after living with one for the last two years, the first few weeks being in our new home have been a challenge. I’m the monster who says no you can not have sweeties at nine in the morning- everyday! The look he gives breaks my heart, but nothing compared to the guilt I would feel if he had health problems from an unbalanced diet. He has stopped asking now- fruit, yes! He saves himself the self missery and he just askes for fruit.
- work, I work some weeks 30 hours. I would love to be a stay at home mum, devoting all my attention to Logan, but that does not pay the bills. Rob pays most of them so I can buy food and pay Logans nursery fees. Five days on the trot thou pains me-some days if i work 3-9 then the next day 7:30-1:30 I don’t see him for 24 hours.
- Bed time, one thing I thought I would not feel guilty about. We can be cuddling and it hits 8pm “bed time” I say, he looks me in the eyes and says “mama, pease no”<pease, he is yet to master his L’s> If he wasn’t the worst morning person on little sleep I would stretch the time for longer cuddlers. It’s just not worth the morning torture.
I think the list could go on forever, why do we get such guilt? I guess where there’s love there’s care and we care that they’re happy and healthy, which sometimes we feel we can’t be perfect. Anyone else have simple guilts of a mum life?
This is one happy face off to school, we love our walking. Bellow is a little throwback, stop growing please?